Should I have tried to catch a falling star instead?
Finding a fair soul has become a fairy tale!
Should I have sung the song of life on my deathbed?
How much courage does it take to say, I have failed?
Where have those days receded now, save from memories,
when to love was nothing less than being canonized?
How come the same throbbing be fleeting pleasantries
or swirling rapids, crowned with white foams, human life?
Being a proper fool, I have seen too much and lost
my innocence along the way, for nothing’s free
in this wretched world but save these words in permafrost,
what you call sadness in fact isn’t sadness but me!
No matter how hard one tries to win the wars in their life,
no one has, can or ever will get out of it alive!
Undefeated, I have never lost nor won,
for I have been a mirror all through life,
across the ups and downs towards the sun,
in all my future dreams and previous flights!
Vagabond, I have never possessed nor belonged,
except, in both cases, the entire universe!
Sleepless for life, though I have hardly missed a dawn,
the morning light have never had my sighs traversed!
Illiterate, I have not been able to learn yet
what the quintessence of humanity might be
with myself surrendered to the rhythm of my fate –
who, with conviction in their eyes, can answer me!
How do you absolve such dualities in your existence
against the universe that had never dreamed of a fence?
Is it sleep beckoning me?
Am I losing consciousness?
Is that a guitar wailing
in the minor scale of D?
In my sleep I’m never free
from the haunting of her face,
perhaps losing it will give me some respite!
Perhaps darkness is my destiny,
for whenever I have found myself a light,
no matter how faint the glimmer is
or how far, the world would always overwhelm
the sparks of a dizzy flame
flying from my fancy thoughts and wild dreams!
Though the night is vexed too, now I know –
thou shalt talk no more to me!
Tough luck I have in this life,
O Fair Daughter of the world, perhaps
the next one will be a little less cumbersome…
Until then, O teary eyes,
break my heart but I must hold my tongue!
Image: The Temptation of St. Anthony by Salvador Dali
Do what you think might suit you best,
shed no tears for my pain!
I have suffered enough to have grown
indifferent to all sufferings,
if and when sadness starts pushing me
to a corner, yet again!
What I cannot do and nor should you ask,
is to desecrate my humble dreams!
What else do I have to graze on?
What else do we ever have to sustain
a dull, gray and placid existence,
comprised of breaths piled upon laborious breaths?
The moonlight does not paint
her petals on the ground everyday
on nights when she does, with a serene smile
I shall let you take all my dreams away!
But when the waning moon is too dim like tonight
and the chill in the northern wind
pierces our skeletons with ease,
for hardship though, both here and in the past
I need your soft, enveloping warmth
to save them for the next day, both yours and mine,
until the next dawn, perhaps when the night ends
or let this one be O Lord, my last!
Duly then a new sun comes up, setting
the sky on fire, the next dawn never comes.
Half smiling in silence, I remain a human-owl,
as from dust to dust my soul returns!
Summer is green for sure, the Monsoon, watery!
Despite the bloom of white flowers everywhere
blue is still the color of a Fall, for the sky
or Autumn, if one would prefer to call it so!
Up next is Winter, the months when Persephone dies,
more from the fog than the chill or snow, it is white!
The last one is the queen of all that came before,
often seen but seldom found too, Her Highness Spring.
Paint it as you wish, perhaps with an altered color scheme,
you are at liberty except pure black, as it is mine!